Hilary Rosen and Ann Romney

Having worked all my adult life and having raised a child - solo - I can't help but have an opinion about the HIlary Rosen-Ann Romney debate. To me it's very simple, there's a distinction between parenting and working. I consider parenting a gift, a privilege, something I am blessed to be able to do and while sometimes challenging it is never "work." It bothers me when a parent describes their role as father or mother as "work." 

Work is something we do because of passion or need (ideally both combined), but for most of us it is essential for financial survival. It's work. It's possible to love work, and enjoy the work day, and the challenges therein, but still it's work. That's why we have weekends off and holidays. If I didn't work I couldn't pay the bills. 

Ann Romney can hide behind her parenting as work, but I'd like to know whether she did it all alone, whether she had any household staff, whether she had live-in babysitters to help her with her "work." I say that because there are women who raise children, and alone, and without money, and because their responsibilities as a parent are so demanding they can't go get a job, or they can't find a job, and have to live on government subsidy. I employed a live-in babysitter until my son was 6 so that I could work, because I can't imagine not working. I know a woman who has raised five children and seeks every opportunity she can to work, but would be the first to admit she had some luxury and used that luxury to focus on raising her children, and so has parented more than she's worked. She also did not have live-in help.

I also know quite a few women who have the kind of money and privilege of the Romneys, and who have children, but who who have extensive household staff and in some cases the staff raise the kids while Mom pursues her personal interests. I also know most of them would complain about how hard it has been to raise their families, that it has been "work." Yes, they are clueless.

Ann Romney has been a fortunate woman. Fortune favored her; she married money and has enjoyed the privileges money provides, and she makes reference to them often. It's like being a lottery winner: best to be quiet about what you have which others never will. 

Was Hilary Rosen wrong to make her statement? Only in that she inadvertently embarassed the president in a campaign season. But she's a a parent who also works and speaks from personal experience. 

An interesting debate topic, but it has nothing to do with whether Mitt Romney can run a country. It's a distraction from that question, and republicans are taking full advantage. 

Comments

[Mary Englert]

Carol, Thank you so much! You clarified that so eloquently! I am lucky enough to be the mom of a good, kind, smart and funny daughter. She is my lifes' achievement. I feel I have been a success. I have also worked all my life. At age 69 I am just completing retraining for a whole different job because I must keep going. I wouldn't have played golf anyway. Love your column.

[Alice]

Amen.