A CONVERSATION WITH THE HEATING COMPANY

My conversation today with the heating company I've had a contract with for 25 years:

Heating Company Operator: "Hello."

Me: "Hello, my name is ....I live at .... I'm a contract customer ... My heat's out."

Operator: "Ma'm. I'll report it."

Me: "Can I please talk to someone?"

Operator: "Is it an emergency?"

Me: "My heat's out."

Operator: "Ma'm, is it an emergency?"

Me: "You've been here twice in the past two months for it being out, and it's out again."

Operator: "Is it an emergency?"

Me: "What difference does it make? It's out. I need to talk to someone."

Operator: "If it's an emergency someone will call you today. If it's not, someone will call you Monday."

Me: "My heat's out. I need to talk to someone today."

Operator: "But is it an emergency?"

Me: "That's semantics."

Operator: "I'll have someone call you."

UPDATE: I received a call from the heating company within 20 minutes, and a technician was at the house within 2 hours and the problem was resolved. In the spirit of Groucho, "semantics" was the secret word.